Road Trippin'

There's something about burning the midnight oil that gets the ol' creative juices flowing and yields another post up in hurr. I have no idea what it is about being bleary-eyed and semi-conscious that leads to my best work but let's not question that for now... (the bleary-eyedness kids. Not whether or not this can be considered anyone's 'best work'...).

Come to think of it, maybe it has something to do with the fact that only between midnight and 4 a.m. do I get to talk to my sis Sarah in Wales...? It's time to come clean y'all - this is a team effort. Try not to be disappointed that I've been living a lie this long but I sure as heck couldn't dig up fabled Meek legends without her help. She deserves some cred and plus, I like to think of us as a team... not unlike early '90s pop superstars Milli Vanilli. Just like them. Except minus the hair, parachute pants, and lack of musical talent (anyone that has been fortunate enough to hear Sarah belt out the 'More More More' jingle can attest to that one...). Where am I going with this one? I don't know. What I do know is that I felt she was worthy of at least some sort of shout-out... and if you notice this post is a little (or a lot) less interesting than usual, blame her since she's MIA. How's that for logic.

Moving on.

So my 4 glorious (interesting might have been a better word choice) years in Phoenix at the fine institution of Arizona State University are finally coming to an end. As this chapter of my life draws to a close, I'm led to thoughts about future plans. Not too far into the future, mind you, but mostly deeper, pressing questions like, Do I bother changing my Facebook network once I graduate, Is it wrong to fake illness to avoid having to donate as an ASU alum, What the freak are my summer plans... etc. You get the picture. The last question primarily occupies my thinking since I think I've finally decided on the first two (respectively: yes and probably, but it depends on how often they try to rope me in).

Anyway, this summer ought to be a complete gong show since Sarah's coming over and we'll be teaching volleyball to a plethora of impressionable youngins across the Northwest for the entire month of July (expect an abundance of blog material). That isn't actually what will be all that fun, but it's the hours of driving between each city which will inevitably lead to hilarity/disaster. My money's on the latter.

The reason for this prediction is because we'll say my family has quite the history with cars, and let's be real, a road trip just isn't a road trip without the car breaking down at least twice in the middle of nowhere, right? Right? Uh, right...? Oh wait, that only happens with the Meeks. Probably because, let's be honest again, 36 hour drives also only happen with the Meeks. I will concede that trips of that length aren't totally unreasonable to Canadians however what IS totally unreasonable is to undertake such a venture in a 17-year-old VW Vanagon...
With 5 kids.
And no air-conditioning.
Through the Nevada desert.
In mid-July.
That's no joke. And yes, of course the van broke down. And yes, it sucked. You might laugh but I'm pretty sure I just cried a single tear.

Anyway, here's to hoping nothing quiiiiite of that magnitude happens. If we do have car troubles, I'd rather it be a little along the lines of some of the other classic Meek breakdowns... Since there have been so many (by some estimates, we've broken the 30 mark), they can be categorized by severity... A sort of breakdown rating system, if you will. For example, say your '86 VW Golf dies in the middle of the street with your 86-year-old Granny riding shotgun... That' s a category 3 breakdown because it's embarrassing, but not overly dangerous. Or maybe the VW family Vanagon breaks down in the middle of snowy rural Alberta, with 3 middle-aged women left to hitchhike into town for help. That's a solid category 4 because while you might be used to it, this kind of breakdown involves rookies unfamiliar with a situation such as this.

Then again, things could always take a turn for the worse and could be something like the mother of all breakdowns when yet another Meek family van, this one we affectionately referred to as The Toaster Box (perhaps too appropriate a foreshadow), lit itself AFLAME and burned to a crispy pile of ashes on the side of the highway while my brother and his band were on their way to a high school gig... Thanks to the retired couple on their way to Alaska for the shot of the carnage.

Before

After

(Click for a zoomed-in shot, and YES, that shot is legit of the van on that fateful day)

My dad's first words upon hearing about it? "That van was practically brand new!" That's the breakdown that freakin' blew the rating system out of the water. But that's a story for another day...

What really inspired this kind of thinking was my mom's latest road trip down to Utah a few weeks ago. Let me just say this was another breakdown story for the record books y'all. A reeeeeeeal category 5. Dearest Helen and her good friend Janae were driving home from a short vacay down to the promised land in another luxurious family vehicle, this time rollin' deep in a 1990 turbo diesel VW Jetta.

Summary:
Janae is driving away through the rugged countryside of southern Montana when suddenly the seat warmers activate and become unbearably hot. Needless to say, her bum was being warmed beyond a comfortable level. At the same time, the windshield wipers spontaneously fire start flying across a bone-dry windshield at triple-time speed. "Helen, I think something is going on..." The two lovely ladies pull over and pop the hood, my mom experienced in all things breakdown at this point in her life. The battery is STEAMING and has battery acid down the side, so for the time being my mom decides against pouring her water bottle over it to cool it off. Instead, she pulls out the ol' toolbox and starts tinkering with the fan belt. Actually, they call a towtruck because, miracle of all miracles, they happen to have Janae's cell phone. (Ironically, the ONLY family I know that has as many cars break down as mine is also the only family that has never had a cell phone of any kind...).

The tow truck driver rolls up and informs then that the only way electrical problems of this nature could have come up would be because the alternator is also shot. Unfortunately, there's not one in town and it can't be ordered in for at least a few days... Fortunately, determined to get my mom and friend on their way, this guy also happened to be the nicest and most ingenious man alive and spent the next 20 minutes rigging up a makeshift wiring system - running a wire from the battery, along the side of car and in through the driver door to some sort of switch he fashioned out some old gum and a spare paperclip (ok I don't know what the switch was made of, but I swear it's all true up to here). He instructs the ladies to flip the switch once per hour for about 10 mins to cause some sort of power surge and then flip it off the rest of the time so the car doesn't just straight explode. They thank him profusely and are on their way.

Everything's all gravy until a couple hours down the road, it's getting dark and it starts to snow... What to do?! Explicit instructions were given NOT to use anything that would drain extra power... That means no using the heater, radio and other non-essentials like lights and windshield wipers. Unfortunately, it soon becomes obvious that pulling over every 5 minutes to clean off the windshield is becoming a problem. Not because they're making bad time but because my mom is running out of supplies. The paper towel, napkins and old socks are LONG gone and she's now resorted to stealing the tissue paper out of a gift intended for my Grandma. They decide to fire up the wipers and turn on the lights. Sure enough, a short time later, the old beast rumbles to a halt.

They decide to abandon the car and grab a rental car to hopefully make it home sometime before the end of 2008. While Helen and Janae wait for a tow truck, they call the local Budget and arrange to pick up the most minimal Econo Car the place has. 15 minutes later, they roll up to find themselves outfitted with this:


That ain't no Econo nothin'. A 2008 Mitsubishi Eclipse? My mom's never driven anything but cars born before I was and all of a sudden she's behind of the wheel of that slick driving machine. Needless to say, Helen was a little overwhelmed but they were rollin' in style for the rest of the trip. Fully functional ENGINE, let alone windshield wipers, seat warmers, lights, and heat? Yes, please.

Now, as usual, this is getting a little long but I thought I'd share one last piece of wisdom, a short tutorial of sorts...

How To Start A Vehicle At The Meek house

You get in the unlocked car and try in vain to turn the engine over but it just won't start (doesn't have the juice it used to when it was fresh back in '84). For my siblings and I, this part of the process is a given so we don't even get so much as a quickened heartbeat... Meanwhile the friend privileged to be riding shotgun in one of these fiiiine pieces of machinery is already white knuckled and breathing out of a paper sac... Anyways, for those experienced in the ways of a reluctant car-start it's:

STEP 1: Turn the key and hold it. This is of course for show, and will inevitably yield nothing on the first try...
STEP 2: Turn the key again and at the same time, PUMP THE GAS with all your might. It's important to note that it IS necessary to do it like my mom and take your foot WAY off the gas pedal, then slam it back down to the floor over and over.
Then it usually starts. But then dies again... and the fun doesn't end here.
STEP 3: Repeat steps 1 and 2... if it still won't start, recruit the local neighbour kids to push start the car while you SLAM your foot on the gas once again so the engine revs to approx. 5000 RPMs and is one second from burning the engine out. Then proceed on your journey as normal.